set fire to everybody.

I really had a good cry last night. Caught up with myself.
Felt sorry for the poor bleeding bastard on my bed.
She was all ripped up.
"when you found me i was in pieces."

ENJOY your NORMAL LIFE. i hope it's really quite UN SPEC TAC ULAR.
set fire to the rain.
break it break it break it break it break it break it break it break it break it broken. break it broken.

I'M GOING MAD
 where is mad?
FAR AWAY.

when you found me i was in season. i was in fashion. my nails were painted red and there were gold things everywhere. gold flecks. gold freckles in her eyes. she'd cried, they were all ashine.

TELEPORT MASSIVE.

it's perfectly fine to be madly in love on screen but never show real emotion in real life because we're afraid, we don't really know what that is. it's safe if it's on screen. it's okay if it's on screen. because that's not real life. you don't really kill people with  a look.
no one dies from holding hands.
a kiss won't split you open.
but then it did. then it did and then my mind broke along a fault line.
teleport massive.
it's okay to be a wreck on television. but when you do it in real life they put you away. shuushuuu. quiet.
quiet quiet front yard.
quiet quiet back yard.
quiet quiet houses.
quiet quiet.

you must have heard it from my best friend.
she's always talking when she should be listening.

how did you know.
cause i never told
you found out
i've got a crush on you.

wind it up and break it down never frown only upside down turn the corner and find a foreigner where foreign is here. bring a book write it drown have a look have a look look.

( i recently had my heart shattered. i'm recovering like everyone else now. but i'm not doing as well as i should. i'm sorry if i fail. i'm sorry that the weight that came put my strength to shame. i'm sorry i cried. i'm sorry i was tried.

one word.

i like the middle of the night. i like (i live with 10 people all over the age of 30; i'm 19 (i'm 20) i hate them all, all those assholes.) sleeping without any pj's, without any skivs on even. i like more to walk out of my room in what god gave me and a touque to take a piss in the middle of the night. i like the horrified face i imagine my room mate next door (that asshole) would have if he were to catch me going to the loo in the middle of the night naked. i hate that bastard.

"
to simulate motion it does not mean you have gotten anywhere. where are you? where have you gone? what are you doing there? why do you never ask questions. these aren't facts you are presenting only sad truths. why are you such a sad soul? why did you trap your poor soul in there. pyt. won't help you you know. you won't grow. where are you going? what are you doing now. don't tell me don't show me, let me feel. let me feel you.
CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT CAN I REACH INSIDE AND TAKE IT ALL OUT
can i hold you.
i want to hold you.
you fragile thing you.
bloody all over the place you bleeding bird you.

hello again.

i'm so. drunk.

completely blasted. dancing with two girls. one is my girl friend. yeah my girlfriend. i have a girlfriend and a boyfriend. she's a fucking bombshell, buzzed blonde hair, big blue eyes and lips to die for. i pull her close and grin, spin her away and feel the rhythm. fuuck it. i told them not to let me spend any more money on booze but fuck it. i slip away to the bar, cross my arms under my chest and wait for someone to notice my boobs. sure enough i get the "what'll it be?" look.
"sweet and cheap."
"something sweet and cheap?" he starts mixing and i pull out my cash. i sip it. briiiilliant. i like this guy.
more dancing more dancing more dancing. isn't this guy gay? why does he keep grabbing me that way? fuuuuck it. more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing. we're breathing in eachothers faces, greedy hands all over and under and taking what they can't have. curiosity gets the best
"are you straight by any chance?"
"why don't you find out?" devil grins all around and we kiss like yumm.
more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing
i sit down. he sits down.
"give me yr cell phone."  i give him my number and fuck off. he's later to be known as Scotty. nothing ever happens between me and Scotty.
another drink. same bartender. he's cute. i want.
"sweet and cheap."
"sweet and cheap."
more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing more dancing
he's looking at me i'm looking at him. nothing serious, dance floor glances. fuuuuck it.
i swagger to the other side of the bar. get his attention.
"i want a napkin and a pen!"
"what?" i make writing motions.
"napkin and pen. thanks."
my number, my name and 'for fun <3' i give it back to him and smile.
we're outta here.

same night Scotty sends a hullo. same night Jasper the bartender sends a hullo.

a week or two later.

<what're you doing tonight?>
<drinking. you?>
<wanna get sushi?>
<i'll get back to you.>

time time time, drinking drinking drinking.

<are you home?>
<yeah>
<i'm coming over and i'm sauced,  have a couple drinks before i get there>
<kk>

drive. music. laugh, smile, grin. park walk up the stairs. knock knock. opens the door. big 'hullo there fucky' grin. close the door behind me. kiss the bastard. he pushes me against the door and i grin, this is gonna be fuuuun. fuck off the buttons on my jacket as his hands figure out what he's getting himself into. they like what they feel and start peeling my things off. shirt, skirt, on the floor. i'm working on his pants but he lifts me up and carries me into the bedroom, gratuitious boob kissing while they're in his face and i giggle. his bed is a level above his tech and futon and i get hoisted onto it. on my back and stretch out luxuriously feeling the fabrics move under me. mmmmmm he's kissing my legs and thighs and pulling them apart, coming up between my knees, kissing, feeling, kissing on my lingerie, hot breath turning on fire down there. i bite my lip and close my eyes and smile as he pulls off my under wear and we both groan at the same time. i feel hot breath and then his lips above my clit, his tongue above my clit, i grab handfuls of fabric and take in anticipation breath.  his tongue on my clit and i moan (he does have a room mate, poor bastard heard everything)
we fuck for an hour or more (probably more) kids brilliant in bed despite average cock size. he looks at me as we're coming down, so hot. so hot.
"jesus i really hope you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend or something."
"i have both."
"fuuuucckkkk."
i laugh.
he made me breakfast in the morning. i wore his black t-shirt and chatted with his room mate and room mates girlfriend. cute hipster couple. bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, toast. weed. lots of weed. s'nice. s'cute.

sad flavor of today.

From now on I'm not going to tell you whether or not I'm lying. My writing is going to get exponentially more brutal as I start losing interest in formality. Suck it up. I'm not here to write you an MLA style essay, I'm telling you a story with interruptions, pratfalls, bad grammar and even worse vulgarity. My vocabulary is pretty stellar but I'm going to sound like a three year old when I feel like it. It's my GREENsoftdrink and I'll spill it if I want to.

Quick disclaimer. NSFW unless you are blessed with one of those radly alternative ones; most of what I post will probably include if not entirely be written about a sexcapade of mine. I've enjoyed polygamy as much as I've enjoyed multiple orgasms. I am currently in a relationship, and as far as those go, I've never been a big fan. However, I find this one to be more than satisfactory. ( I am in love and I like writing about it. Another suck it up or stop reading disclaimer. )

When I said that I have a softporn life, I was only kidding inasmuch as it's only softporn when I'm wearing clothes. The rest of it is pretty XXX, Gossip Girl meets Friends, Girl Interrupted and Alfie for an orgy. And they invite their friends too.

But I'm not going to tell you a debauchery story right off the bat. I'm going to have a good complain first. Why? Because my boyfriend is taking a six month photo-journalistic trip with two old men to Argentina. He left Oct. 12th. Almost exactly a month ago. And is currently in Sacramento rebuilding his GS 500. I'm so fucking lonely/horny/sad/alcoholic. I haven't gone a single weekend without having an alcohol induced happy time. I've had mad fun at all the parties I've gone to. And then I get to come home and sleep by myself in a queen sized bed with two pillows. I hate it. Its the shittiest thing, I've discovered, waking up with the warm body of your significant other beside you for (almost) a year now, and then suddenly not for 6 months. I'm going to call my significant other Jared Green.
Since he's been gone I've had one websex chat with him, masturbated 3 times and wanted to rape several random but attractive men/boys at the various parties I've attended. I'm in nympho hell. A monogamous long distance relationship.
Shoot me now.
And now, for something completely different.

lies and green soft drink.

Listen carefully because the things I'm about to tell you are the largest compilation of lies and true stories about my life (and some other lives) that you're ever going to read. Why are you going to read this? Because taking a break from your life is going to make you realize how fanfuckingtastic it is. Especially when you read some of the shitty things I've been through and done in my glorified softporn of a life. 

I realized, if not early on enough, that your whole life should be written down. Not word for word, God no. Lie. Tell horrible, terrible, brilliant, heartwarming, catastrophic lies. Why and how can you do that? The only person that lived your life is you. The people in your life have not lived your life, they have lived their lives around yours. Your life is the most interesting, expensive thing that you have. It is also the most manipulatable, malleable thing you have (unless your female, then men and dicks take a really friggen close second). 

I'm gonna make you trust me first. I'm gonna tell you some truths. 

I'm a girl/woman/lady person. Double X chromo and all the bullshit hormones that come with it. I was blessed with a pretty face, almond eyes, a questionable nose and a pretty friggen great body (on a good day). My hair was short for a reason, but I'm not going to tell you that story yet.  My wardrobe is pretty boring nowadays, but I've never been what people would call a boring person. Unless you know, they were lying, in which case I'm lying too. 

You're eventually going to get why lying is so necessary in life. And I'm not going to say that honesty is overrated because its not, its great. Another truth, I work at a shoe store, and I fucking hate lying to people about the shitty shoes I sell them. I'm quitting my job. Because I like being honest. Honesty and lies, good and bad. Concepts. Things that would not exist without each other. We classify things by a process of elimination. By what something is not. We need things to check off the list. I'm not going to get philosophical because I'll make my head hurt and I'm still hungover. Ah, another little truth. I'm at an art university in British Columbia, Canada. Yeah, I'm a 'starving artist'; desperate, needy little mofucker. And never food, no, for ATTENTION. Good God are all these kids rich. I digress. This is the story of my life, as I see it, as I want you to see it, and as you will invariably see it.
I drink, fuck, sleep, take photo's and write papers. I work, piss, cry, read and make a mess. Among other things. you're WELCOME.